Body-image and Self-abuse

The resurgence of fitness pursuits, especially amongst women
who are striving to compete with their male counterparts, has a sinister side
to it - that of excess to the point of detriment.

The "Adonis complex" as it has been dubbed, is the
result of (mainly male) excesses of body-building, to the extent that a
condition known as Muscle Dysmorphia occurs. This condition results due to
ridiculous measures being taken in order to gain even bigger physical frames,
despite the sometimes grotesque results.

In women, Body Dysmorphia is on the increase, with the
pursuit of leaner, trimmer physiques being the all-consuming factor, driven by
media brainwashing and the constant exposure to 'celebrity' physiques. 'Celebrity'
diets, weight-reduction supplements and emancipation are all contributory to
the increase in cases of malnutrition to the point of starvation. The
concomitant effect is one of Anorexia in some cases - the male opposite counterpart
being dubbed Bigorexia - and in both cases there is a high risk of death due to
taking the body to extremes that is simply isn't designed to achieve or
maintain.

As with all things, if you think that you are over-exercising, or
suffering from disordered eating, you probably are! However, many 'obsessive
practices/addictions' go unchallenged, until someone else makes a comment. The
best way to approach this is - if a partner, friend, family member, colleague,
fellow gym associate or even GP suggests that you might be overdoing the
workouts, you very likely are, and this is the time to take stock of what you
are actually trying to achieve. Many 'obsessive' practices are borne of
'distorted cognitions' - inherent thoughts that fuel emotions and drive our
behaviours. It is these 'drivers' that need the workout, not the incumbent
physical forms.

If you feel that your regimen has got out of proportion to
your original goal, then it's time to talk to someone about it. Counselling no
longer has the same stigma attached to it as it had previously – practitioners
understand the emotions behind the behaviours and can talk about strategies
that are designed to alleviate, compensate and remediate. You can access an
initial assessment of your condition here.

Family Dysfunction - The Generation Effect - Chapter 2

It is generally acknowledged that behaviours are determined by feelings and emotions; feelings and emotions are determined by thoughts. Thoughts are determined by intrinsic and extrinsic factors; they can occur in response to an immediate occurrence or experience; they can also emerge from preconditioned responses to previous occurrences, specifically from the pre-verbal and formative stages of childhood. These latter responses are referred to as Schemas and can also be formed during adulthood. Schemas occur as part of our natural response mechanism to everyday experiences, and far from being completely negative, they are the foundation building blocks of our minds that allow us to make 'informed' decisions and reactions. They become troublesome when the initial experiences have been traumatic in some way, resulting in a pattern of behavioural responses that evolve as maladaptive practices that affect everyday lives. Lack of support to core needs, parental abuse, and even being 'spoilt' are all examples of the conditioning that can instil negative schemas. The bearers of these Schemata rarely realise what is occurring, as they become entrenched in a repetitve cycle of emotional and behavioural responses that, to them, appears quite 'normal' (although to others they are far from normal).

So it was with Terri and Steve, each having had difficult experiences in their formative years and beyond that they now carried with them into adulthood and ultimately their own relationship.

Steve's family history was paved with dysfunction. His father, one of three children, had suffered the loss of their mother at an early age and all three were consigned to a care home. When his father eventually remarried, the new wife only wanted two of the three children, and Steve's father was left behind. Thus early schemas were initiated in his father by the trauma of abandonment, twice occurring at an early age. He spent most of his adult life in the RAF - then a predominantly male environment - and it is likely that this was a subconcious response to his early experiences - being away from female presence was a maladptive response to his abandonment as a child. Steve was born therefore of a 'dysfunctional' relationship between his own parents; his father was away most of the time and he was the only male amongst a family of females- his mother, two sisters and a Nan - so he spent most of his youth in the sole company of women. Sadly, Steve's mother also died, when he was twenty; ironically, with his father away, he had suffered a similar 'abandonment' to his father's. Thus, the "Generation Effect" was evolving and the concomitant dysfunction that followed suit was yet to manifest in his own life. It soon would...

Family Dysfunction – The Generation Effect - Chapter 1

When dealing with people who are experiencing anxiety, stress & depression, analyses often unearth a history of dysfunction occurring, usually within a close circle like a family group. This we’ll dub “The Generation Effect”, as we look at examples of how this impacts on the mental health and well-being of those whom it affects.

Abuse cases and causes are well-documented – we have reported on this previously in the following Blog:

http://builtcleversolutions.blogspot.com/

Abusers are sometimes loosely ‘defended’ by the fact they may well have been exposed to direct abuse themselves, possibly during childhood, but there is little mention of what we’ll dub “Indirect Abuse” and it’s impact on those who experience it. Indirect Abuse occurs when its victims are exposed to dysfunctional relationships – usually within their own immediate family group – and it is the coping mechanisms evoked that become the basis for future behavioural idiosyncrasies that in turn precipitate dysfunctionality in their own relationships. Essentially, the “Cycle of Abuse” doesn’t end with their exit from exposure to the dysfunctional scenario – it is transferred to their future relationships, with the associated emergent problems.

Terri and Steve are typical examples of the above scenario.

Coming from two quite different backgrounds, they met whilst working for the same company and camaraderie turned into something more as time evolved.

Terri came from a middle-class background; both of her parents were in ‘professional’ employment and so her route through the formative education years into university was assured due to both mother and grandmother being in education roles. With only a younger brother to ‘compete’ with, Terri’s progression through childhood into teenage and young adulthood should have been relatively unimpeded – but that, as we’ll see, wasn’t the case.

Steve came from a working-class background; his father was assigned to the services, so was away for large periods of time. His mother had three children to raise, largely alone, but this did not prevent Steve from also pursuing the education route to university. From what seems to be a fairly average path through his early years, the story unfolds accordingly.

The Cycle of Abuse - Chapter 11 - Familiar Territory

For those that have followed the story of Natalie and Fred - and perhaps identified somewhat with her situation - we ought to look at associated patterns of behaviour in her life.

With the addition of a second grandchild, Fred's power has grown immeasurably - he takes advantage of Natalie's matriarchal nature to ensure that she remains constantly immersed in family matters - this way he has her just where he wants her - at home, guarded, imprisoned, abused and controlled.

Ironically, sadly, Natalie is surrounded by 'Abusers'...

The ongoing lack of support from her family and friends has further added to her 'conditioning' - Natalie literally feels that she has nowhere to turn, so she stops trying. Instead, she 'moulds' herself to the demands of everyone around her, acceding to their wishes like a puppet. She has become a "Pleaser" - someone who will do anything to elicit a positive response from another, rather than risk any kind of 'negative' that might remind her of the harsher treatments from Fred that she already denies in her life. 

Even at work, Natalie succumbs to 'bullying' - a particularly nasty colleague senses her 'weakness' and mentally abuses her with threats about her job, being useless, dictating who she should mix with etc. so that she can 'keep' Natalie as a pawn in her own narcissistic 'power-play' against others who might threaten her position. Natalie needs her job, it's the only lifeline and escape to any kind of 'normal' world away from the prison that is her home-life. How sadly ironic that she should fall foul of yet another abuser, this time female, who wields her power over an already debilitated victim. Her kind and caring nature, now punctuated with bouts of pure servility, leave Natalie defenceless to anyone who wants to throw their weight around - her desire for peace and tranqulity determining that she will 'please', whatever it takes.