The Cycle of Abuse - Chapter 2 - Analysis of Abuse

It would be useful at this stage to provide a generic explanation of "The Cycle of Abuse" and it's various off-shoots. In no way does it only pertain to partnership (marriage, civil partnership, betrothal, courtship, other); indeed, it can be applied to any relationship involving any number of people. For the purpose of this case we are referring to a long-term civil partnership - although as the episode unfolds, we will see how other people become involved in the whole cycle of abuse.


The Cycle of Abuse can be graphically produced, depicting a clear circle (or cycle) of events that continually rotate through the various stages. They can be applied to various stages of a relationship, as well as to any individual interaction within a relationship, and can occur out-of-sequence too. These are as follows:

CALM - this is the 'usual' state of play, mostly experienced at the beginning of a relationship, commonly known as the 'honeymoon period'. As this can reoccur several times, it thus becomes the 'sticking plaster', where the abuser placates the abused, the incident is forgotten and the abuse ceases.  We will talk about reasons for this state later on.

TENSION - As tension increases as a result of 'triggers' (precipitous actions by the abuser), communication breaks down, the abused become fearful of the consequences and fells the need  to placate the abuser. This can take a variety of guises, from the extreme of sexual 'favours' to basic domicilliary actions that are performed as part of a feeling of 'duty'.

INCIDENT - This is where the verbal, physical and emotional abuse takes place. These come in the form of Anger, Threats, Blaming, Arguing, Intimidation and Subjugation. The catalogue of examples of these would be too exasperating to depict herewith, but I'm sure that many of you would be able to identify with most of those headings in some fashion.

RECONCILIATION - Unlike the 'CALM' phase, the abuser apologises for actions, gives excuses, blames the abused victim, denies the incident occurred, or even says it wasn't as bad as the victim claims. This is almost as horrid as the actual abuse, because it is these actions that TOTALLY MESS UP THE ABUSED VICTIMS' SELF-BELIEF AND SELF-WORTH. You will note that we have started to use the term VICTIM; we should make no mistake about the fact that abused people are VICTIMS. The Cycle of Abuse, if not broken, efficiently and completely DESTROYS the VICTIM.

Natalie is a VICTIM of the Cycle of Abuse; Fred is the ABUSER.

The story unfolds...