The Cycle of Abuse - Chapter 3

Natalie and Fred's relationship 'survived' the early traumas, or I should  say that Natalie survived the early abuse from Fred as they reverted to the 'CALM' state previously mentioned. Natalie had to dig-in and focus on her baby, so DENIAL was adopted as a means of dealing with the pain of the abuse she had suffered. In fact, she was still suffering, with drunken outbursts prefacing almost every weekend and some nights too. His affairs continued; despite 'choosing' Natalie over the other woman that he had made pregnant, he still acted in predatory fashion around women, inviting sex without any conscience or remorse. Natalie's life began to evolve as the 'Protector', steeling herself against the trauma of attack, denying any thoughts of retribution, salvation or escape. She did this by finding ways to continually 'RECONCILE' with Fred, making excuses for his outbursts, attempting self-blame, offering herself to him, taking the view that he must be straying due to her deficiencies in the bedroom, almost believing at one point that if she hadn't have fallen pregnant, Fred would still find her attractive and not sleep with other women! These thoughts came, despite knowing what Fred was really like; the 'attraction' to him in the first place was the 'conquest' of keeping him from other women, yet she knew the man she was with could never be faithful to her. Her self-esteem was being crushed to the point of no return. She was on auto-pilot, her matriarchal instincts providing the support she needed to keep going.

Natalie fell pregnant again....
She now had her son, nearly two years of age, and a pregnancy to deal with, on top of her 'role' as VICTIM...
...and still Fred slept around, drank heavily, and ABUSED her.

Natalie continued to 'pull her head' in; she traversed the Cycle of Abuse - CALM, TENSION, INCIDENT, RECONCILIATION - like it was part and parcel of a normal relationship. After all, she'd seen all this with her own parents, and although her mother had been able to break free of the cycle, Natalie had seen and been influenced by the dominance of her father. A pattern had been imprinted on her fragile mind at an early age - a pattern that was now the tapestry for her own sad existence.

Things became worse...
One of the most horrific episodes involved Fred returning home blind drunk, to find Natalie already in bed (she was heavily pregnant). Finding his sickening advances repelled, he punched Natalie in the abdomen, in an effort to kill the unborn child. Natalie was now so subjugated by the experiences of the past three years that she was unable to respond, beyond ensuring that the baby was ok and returning to her Cycle of Abuse once more - RECONCILIATION.

This pattern continued for an incredible twenty years.......

In the next chapter, we will look at how Natalie 'woke up'! Or did she?