The Cycle of Abuse - Chapter 6

The purpose of these articles - recanting a real-life story of abuse - and giving substance to the elements that make-up the ever-revolving cycle - is to allow readers to relate to their own situations, to make them sit up and think, to say "my goodness, that's me!" With this in mind, let's look at other signs.

Has Abuse Changed You?

Without a doubt, it most certainly has...

Your abusive relationship has likely gotten or will get worse over time. You can't make your abuser change their behavior. You can't "fix" them. It is not up to you to fix other people. Being abusive is their issue to resolve...not yours.

Answering these questions honestly will give you a good idea just how severely abuse has hurt you and changed you. The effects of the cycle of abuse are insidious... you may have become a mere shadow of your former self... a person who goes through the motions of everyday life with no hope, no joy, no real happiness. You may have turned to drugs, alcohol, the internet or long work hours to help you cope.
Listed below are a few of the ways in which abuse can and does affect you.

Do you have a feeling that you are not the same person you were before? You know yourself best... trust your own instincts. If you cannot answer this question yourself... ask someone you trust implicitly. People who knew you before you became a victim of abuse will have seen the changes occur within you... no matter how obvious or subtle those change may be.

If you answer 'yes' to some of the following questions, you are likely being abused and not only are you abused, you have also very likely changed as a result of being abused.

• Do you fight and make up regularly?
• Does your partner put you down, ridicule you, criticize you?  Or are you doing that to your partner?
• Are you "hanging in" because you can see the potential -- only the potential never gets realized?
• Is your partner never home or "tuned out" when he or she is at home?  Or are you?
• Are you relieved when your partner isn't around?
• Are you uneasy when your partner is away?
• Does your partner hit you or threaten to hit you?  Or are you doing it to him or her?
• Is your sex life gone?
• Is you or your partner's use of drugs or alcohol creating problems?
• Is living alone or independently unthinkable?
• Do you doubt your judgment or wonder if your are "crazy"?
• Are you afraid of your partner?  Do you express opinions less and less freely?
• Have you developed fears of other people and tend to see others less often?
• Do you spend a lot of time watching for your partner's bad and not-so-bad moods, before bringing up a subject?
• Do you ask your partner's permission to spend money, take classes or socialize with friends?
• Have you lost confidence in your abilities, become increasingly depressed - feeling trapped and powerless?

Reading this will help you to see that the abuse you are living with is real. It is painful, degrading and humiliating. Instead, give yourself a hug and a pat on the back for surviving.
You are empowering yourself with every bit of knowledge you glean. You are loving and caring about yourself by being at this website... through researching and understanding the dynamics of domestic violence and abuse.

Next chapter: Inside the mind of the Abuser!